Well, not one of the best Saturday mornings I've ever had.
I still hadn't picked all the eye boogers out yet this morning when I noticed that the gas grill in my screen patio had a full on skirt of leaves around the bottom of it.
But huh? How did they make it through the screen room and then gather themselves around the bottom of my gas grill?
I opened one of the glass doors, and was hit in the face with a stench that you would not believe.
It began to sink in. Something has made its way in to my screen patio, built a nest, and promptly curled up and died! In my FFing Grill!!! Bastard!!
I slid the door closed as quickly as possible. Fuck!!. Now I have to go clean up dead varmint nest. Shit!! Not the way I wanted to spend my morning, but now the stench is leaking in to my house.
Now if only I could remember where my wife (a dialysis nurse) keeps her surgical gloves, and mask. Damn, nowhere to be found.
Holding my shirt over my nose, I got a shovel from the garage and pushed the grill back, and saw the biggest white faced opossum in the universe. How the fuck did that thing get in to my screen room!
Well, I suppose it would come in handy sooner or later, growing up on a farm in Michigan. I set out to the back yard with the shovel, searching for a proper burial site for my foul bloated rat friend. But apparently, every single inch of my back yard consists of Roots and twigs! Sigh, god this day sucks.
Back in to the kitchen, I found an entire bag of garbage bags and brought it back to the patio. God damn, sorry garbage man, but better you than me.
I wouldn't exactly call it a proper burial, but I was able (barely able) to hold breakfast down long enough to quadruple bag him, and haul him out to the garbage can where he will have to wait for garbage day ... ON TUESDAYY!! Sigh.
By the time i swept all the leaves from his death bed out in to the back yard, there were dead rodent streak marks all the way from where the grill was to the back door! God why me.
After dumping an entire bottle of dish detergent and scrubbing with a broom and washing down with the hose, oh and throwing away my Grill forever, (You're crazy if you think I am ever eating a cheeseburger out of that thing again in this lifetime.) I was able to retire back in to the house and try to think of something to tell the housekeeper about why me, and my entire house and yard, smells like a rotting corpse!
Nothing to be worried about Erica... Honest!
By the way, care for a cheeseburger?
1 comment:
omg ewwww i would of been screaming!!
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